Saturday, February 19, 2011

Write scary

I had to do a presentation at work on Friday. Let me tell you, public speaking is NOT something I enjoy. It totally freaks me out - my heart pounds, my hands shake, I feel light headed and my mind goes blank.

Ugh!

It's not like I haven't done public speaking, I did plenty when Pretty Pretty first came out. But, I just can't get used to it. I could join Toastmasters, there's chapter at my workplace, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.

So, why is speaking in front of people such a big deal? Why are we so afraid to look silly? I know I tell myself over and over that I don't care what others think of me -- but ultimately, I do. So, if I do public speaking more often, will it cure me of the fear? Okay, now I'm just breaking out in a sweat. I think this fear thing is gonna take a wee bit of work.

I'm gonna do my writing exercise to get my mind off it.

How vast life seems. I yearn for things that seem so far out of my reach. I have walked for miles, but the wind erases my footsteps, so I cannot remember where I've been or how far I've come. I tell myself, only one more hill and I will be where I need to be, but all I find is more hills as far as the eye can see. The sun beats down, relentless. I feel weak. Maybe, I could just rest here. But I fear if I fall to my knees, I will not stand again. I feel something deep inside propel me. I find strength where I thought I had none. I find love in the most unlikely places. My dreams will not be quieted. I will not fear the hills ahead; for they are my inspiration. I will touch the horizon. I will paint the sky blue. For all that I have ever needed has never been over those hills, it has always been within me.

Perhaps I've just answered my own question...